Screaming Infidelities
by RulesBreedRebels
Summary: A cheater and a college student, a medical degree and an out of tune guitar, a man on a rampage and a girl who knows how to whisper words – "You've very sad aren't you?" Come join Bella and Edward.
1. Husband

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just rent. **

**Screaming Infidelities:** chapter one

"_Your hair, it's everywhere.  
Screaming infidelities  
And taking its wear."  
-Dashboard Confessional_

**Edward:**

"I'm so tired, why am I always so God-damned tired?" She whispers, and her head falls onto my shoulder. Her hair brushes my cheek and the television is muted on a station with static.

I put my arm around her small body and rub my hand up and down her arm, she has goose bumps. She turns towards me and the mattress moans in protest.

"Life?" I offer. She looks at me and her eyes are emotionless, like there's nothing there. I run a finger along her cheekbone and then trace the dark circles under her eyes.

"We were so good, weren't we?" Her eyes fill with water; she tilts her head towards the ceiling and blinks hard. I can't help but notice that she's using the past tense, and in my gut there's a sharp pain that insists this whole relationship will soon be in the past tense. She grabs my hand that's rubbing her arm and puts it on her chest. I want to say something, I want to tell her that we were never _good_, but she shakes her head.

"We can do this," she tells me, and her bottom lip is trembling and she is still staring at the ceiling and her eyes are sill nothing. "We can do this," she whispers again and then puts her hand over mine and squeezes.

"Please," she begs, but she's still not looking at me and there is no desperation, there is no longing.

I take a deep breath and pry my hand from hers. I sit up. She makes a quiet sound that rests at the top of her throat and I can't believe I ever thought we were _good_.

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask my hands, they're sitting in my lap patiently, twisting and untwisting. When did my life become so complicated? It's not even my life anymore – my eyes have become a gateway to some else's world. In _my_ life I have no problems; I am perfect because everything is perfect.

"No," she answers after a few seconds and I know that when I look at her eyes, there will be nothing.

I look at the carpet-covered floor and her clothes that blanket it. She crawls to the foot of the bed and looks at the window, the blinds are closed.

"You're going to leave anyways, aren't you?" She asks, and her hand clutches the comforter to her chest.

"I don't give you enough credit." I note; after all this time I finally realize how intuitive she is.

"Enough credit for what?" She mumbles like she doesn't care, but her eyes are on my face.

"Anything," I pause. "Everything."

I push myself out of the bed and grab my crinkled jeans from the rocking chair her grandfather made her. I put on my navy shirt and she gets off the bed.

Belt.  
Wallet.  
Keys.  
Cell phone.

"Do you know where I put my jacket?" I ask and my voice is thick, the kind of voice that's comes with being sick, except I'm not sick.

"You took it off in the car," she replies, and I know that when I find it there will be strands of her hair on it.

I nod and start towards the door, her hand wraps around the top of my arm and I turn back towards her. She has the comforter wrapped around her like a towel.

"Tell me you loved me," she commands, her voice is strong in a way it hasn't been for months.

"You know I never loved you," I can't look at her lifeless eyes, so I look down.

She drops her hand like I've brunt her and takes in a sharp breath. She twists the ring on her finger back and forth, a nervous habit.

"I loved you," she admits and I nod, because I know. "I love you," she revises and then shakes her head and wipes under her eyes.

"You should love your husband," I tell her and this time it's her who nods, because she knows.

"Will I see you again?" She asks, but before I can answer she shakes her head, "No, I know."

"I'm going to buy you a new comforter." I tell her and she doesn't ask why, maybe because she already knows why. I don't care; I just want the screaming infidelities to be gone.

"Where will you go?" She wonders and I shrug because I don't know where I'll go, all I know is that I'm going.

"Not sure, but I can't stay here." I answer.

"Because of me? You can't stay here because of me?" She wants me to say it aloud; she wants to be the reason behind my actions.

"Yes." I laugh without humor and then turn to leave again; I'm not going to turn back this time.

"New York," She says quietly and I stop, but don't turn. "You'd like New York; it's a lot like San Francisco. You told me once that you love San Francisco, so you'd probably like New York," she babbles.

"Then why wouldn't I just go to San Francisco?" I ask and stare at the door handle.

"Because I know you, and you're going to go somewhere you've never been before," she tells me and I almost smile.

"Bye Tanya," I say and wrap my hand around the door handle. It's cold.

"I'd say goodbye Edward, but it's not good," she tells me and I walk outside, the door shuts behind me. I hear the deadbolt slide home.

"No, it's not," I whisper and walk to my car.

I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and then call information; I get connected to the airport after a minute. I book a flight for New York, it leaves tomorrow afternoon.

**AN: Like it, hate it? Let me know what you think! Next chapter is in Bella's POV.**


	2. New York City

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just rent. **

**Screaming Infidelities:** chapter two

"_Just as a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose;  
a bitch is a bitch is a bitch is a bitch."  
-Ernest Hemingway_

**Bella:**

I understand that some jackasses are brilliant.

Ernest Hemingway was a jackass and a hypocrite and a liar and a womanizer, but he was brilliant. Fucking brilliant. _A Clean Well-Lighted Place_, shit doesn't get much better than that.

So, I understand that jackasses can be brilliant, but sometimes as jackass is just a jackass. I don't need a fucking silver lining stapled to the shirt of every jackass, thank you very much.

"Oh come on, you have got admit that he's hot," Alice whispers while tugging on my jacket sleeve.

She's talking about some artist freak that she met about a month ago. He sounds like a straight-up jackass to me, no silver lining on this one. Alice has been nagging me to meet him all week and I really don't want to. If I knew that she was going to be in a committed relationship with him, I'd meet him. Hell, I'd throw a fucking party in his honor, but Alice goes though guys like she drives, fast and erratically.

"I'm trying to listen to the lecture, stop nagging, you nag," I whisper-shout, the guy sitting in front of us turns and glares. I glare back.

Alice Cullen is my best friend for three main reasons. One; she's a worm – somehow she manages to worm herself into all parts of my life. My own God-damned father has her number in his cell phone -which he doesn't know how to use - because she is a worm. Two; she puts up with my shit. Three; she makes the best fucking grilled cheese know to man.

"Pfft, like you care about Henry Clay at all!" She says referring to the lecture.

"Are you kidding me, I love Henry Clay, the American System was a brilliant idea," I protest and decide to ignore her, which never works because she is a _worm_.

"Bella! Bella, bella, bella, bella…" She keeps whispering my name and tugging on my sleeve to get my attention.

"Fine, what?" I ask angrily.

"Don't you think he's hot?" She asks again and I wish that she was a guy so I could punch her in the balls. She's showing me his picture on her phone. I sigh, stop typing, and hit the record button on my computer; I'll just transcribe the notes later.

"Who are we talking about again?" I ask and her eyes get big. Great, now she thinks I wasn't listening. Not that I was, but still.

"Jasper! God, keep up women!" She says and the guy in front of us turns and glares again. "Oh get a life!" Alice whisper-yells at him and he turns back around.

"Alice, Jasper is an artist. A fucking artist! You don't want a relationship with him, trust me," I tell her and zip up my jacket, because for some reason this building is always thirty below. "Can't this college afford heat? I fucking pay them enough," I mumble and Alice lifts her eyebrows. "Fine, Charlie pays them enough," I say with a huff.

"Jasper is amazing though, he's cute and charming and from Texas!" She says the last part as if being from Texas is equivalent to being the first man on the moon.

"Great, he's probably a freaking Confederate," I tell her, she ignores me.

"First, that's offensive; second, what's wrong with being an artist?" She asks and I just sigh.

Nothing's _wrong_ with being an artist. It's just the fact that he _is_ an artist; he's probably got some major mommy issues, or a weird fetish. One or the other, God I _really_ need to start paying attention in class.

"You have to meet him," she whines and starts tapping her pencil on the desk in front of her.

"I've already met him Alice," I remind her and she shakes her head.

"No, like really meet him, I want you guys to actually hold a conversation for point five seconds. I actually like this guy Bell, and it would be a whole lot easier to date him if I knew my best friend was on board. Plus, he really is hot," she tells me with a smirk.

"Fine, I'll meet him. God," I tell her and she claps quietly.

"Great, I told him that we could have dinner at our place tomorrow night," she tells me and I groan.

Why does she even bother asking me if she's knows I'm going to say yes? Fucking worm.

"Alice! I did not condone dinner at our place, now we have to cook. Can't I meet him at a party or something? I don't want to third wheel it all night," I complain.

"It'll be fine. Plus he's bringing some friend of his along, so you won't have to third wheel it," she promises and I nod in agreement because she just looks to freaking happy and it would make me feel like shit if I backed out now. Plus, I actually do like to cook, even if I complain about it every step of the way.

"Friend?" I ask because I'm curious and a complete sucker. She smiles and waggles her eyebrows.

"Yeah, Jasper and him have been friends since kindergarten, went to the same high school and all that shit," she says waving her hands around to emphasize the _shit_. "He just got out of some complicated relationship and decided to come to the big apple, for whatever reason. I haven't met him yet, but he seems nice enough, from what Jasper says," she informs me and I think about how Jasper is a weird freaking name.

"Complicated relationship? He sounds like a blast," I say sarcastically and she rolls her eyes.

"Come on, it will be fun!" She enthuses and I shake my head.

"Whatever you say," I mumble.

"His name is Edward," she says and I roll my eyes, "Jasper's friend's name is Edward," she says again and I nod.

"How long has he been here?" I ask, because I know she won't shut-up about it and I might as well contribute to the conversation, which pleases Alice. I'm kind of waiting for the kid in front of us to glare again.

"About three weeks, Jasper just ran into him last week while he was running to _Starbucks_. Apparently he's been staying at some shitty motel, so-"

"So Jasper offered to let him stay at his place," I finish her sentence and she nods.

"He's a musician," Alice tells me with a grin.

"That's even worse than being an artist," I tell her and she laughs.

"And a doctor," she continues.

I put a hand over my heart, "You're just killing me now."

Hook, line, and sinker.

**AN: Next chapter will be in Edward's POV. Now let's all say it together on three; one…two…three: REVIEW! Why didn't you say it?**


	3. Coffee

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just rent. **

**Screaming Infidelities:** chapter three

_"Thomas Edison's last words were 'It's very beautiful over there'.  
I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful."  
-John Green_

**Edward:**

His name is Jasper Hale and he is my before.

He is before the lies and the infidelity and the sixty-eight dollars out of my checking account to buy someone a new comforter so she does not have to be reminded of me.

Six foot two with sandy blond hair, he's shit with a computer, but great with a paintbrush. And his name is Jasper Hale.

I met him for the first time in Kindergarten when I was five and he was six. I met him for the second time at _Starbucks _when I was twenty-three and he was also twenty-three, because for a few months we share the same age.

I went to _Starbucks_ that day because I needed something commercial; I needed something that wasn't _her_. I was sitting in a cracked booth going over some music I had written when he walked in.

Jasper Hale is not the kind of guy that can be easily lost in a crowd, but he tries damn hard to blend in. He walked in with a smile on his face and his wallet already out. I noticed him as soon as the door shut, like I said; he's not a guy who easily blends in.

He did not notice me.

We used to be friends; all the way from kindergarten into the twelfth grade we were inseparable. Then I went to school to become a doctor and he went to Europe to study abroad. We used to talk once a week and send e-mails daily, soon I stopped picking up and he stopped e-mailing. Life.

I didn't particularly want him to talk to me that day, but when he turned around and our eyes met I didn't stop myself from smiling. I didn't stop myself from offering him the chair across from me or from buying him a muffin for breakfast. All he bought was a coffee, low fat. I made a joke about how you don't have to have a PhD to know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. He laughed and asked me how long I've been practicing.

I didn't stop myself from answering all his questions or from telling him the name of the shitty motel I was staying at. I didn't stop myself from agreeing to stay with him for a while, but only if it's okay with you? I didn't stop myself from talking about Tanya, but I did stop myself from talking about her husband, the poor bastard.

This is why I am currently sitting on Jasper's couch, tuning up his shitty guitar. He's pacing the kitchen floor with the phone cord wrapped around his body. His talking to his "girlfriend," you have to use quotes because anytime you bring it up he says she's most definitely _not _his girlfriend, although his phone bill would probably sing to a different tune.

Her name is Mary Alice, goes by Alice. She wants to work in fashion, but currently goes to NYU, yada yada yada. He's completely enthralled with her, first love, you know?

He finally hangs up the phone as I finish tuning the D string. "This guitar is so out of tune it could be played as a ukulele," I tell him and he laughs, but has the decency to look embarrassed.

"I'm a busy guy," he tells me and then goes to sit on the piss-colored chair across from me.

"So was John Lennon," I deadpan.

"Funny."

I go back to tuning, but he continues to look at me. I can feel his eyes digging a hole into my forehead and I know that he has something to say, fucking say it already.

"So Alice wants to have dinner with us tonight," he says after a few seconds and my head snaps back to his.

"_Us_?"

"Yeah, us. I told her that you were staying with me for a while and she asked to have us over for dinner. I said yes," he tells me and I put the guitar down on the floor by my feet.

"Look," I say, "I don't want to be a jackass here, but I really don't want to hang out with you and your girlfriend. In no universe does that sound remotely fun," I tell him.

"She's _not _my girlfriend," he says defensively and I nod. "Look man, I'm just trying to help you out, you don't have a job or a place to stay. I also realize that you just got out of a bad relationship and-"

"I'm not some poor guy who's down on his luck Jasper. I'm a fucking doctor, if I wanted to get a job, I could. The only reason I was even staying at that motel, was because I just moved to a new city and didn't have a chance to get an apartment yet. Don't act like I'm some fucking charity case you picked up off the street," I say and I'm leaning forward in a half crouch, ready to stand up.

His face is sad when he looks at me, like he's disappointed.

"I never thought of you as a charity case, I only asked you to stay here because you're my friend, and it seemed like you could use a place to stay. I missed you man, I missed my best friend," he says, and now he's smiling because he knows that he's a freaking cheese-ball, but I'm smiling too.

"Sorry, it's just been a rough couple of weeks," I explain and run my hand through my hair.

"Its fine, you can make up for being an ass by going to dinner tonight," he says smiling because he knows he's got me and I sigh.

"Fucking fine," I tell him and he nods. He has this strange smile on his face like he knows something that I don't know. I ignore it.

The phone rings again and he practically sprints to answer it.

"She's not your girlfriend, you say?" I ask.

"Shut it."

**AN: Rated "R" for Review. **


	4. Dinner

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just rent. **

**Screaming Infidelities:** chapter four

"_America will never be destroyed from the outside.  
If we falter and lose our freedoms,  
it will be because we destroyed ourselves."  
- Abraham Lincoln_

**Bella:**

For someone trying to get a degree in English literature, I sincerely suck at writing history essays.

_To what extent was Progressivism a continuation of Populism and to what extend was it a departure? _

Who gives a flying fuck? I'm only taking American history because it's a required class. All I want to do is finish this paper, get through what is sure to be an awkward dinner, and then watch re-runs of Grey's Anatomy on _Lifetime_. The channel for people with no real love life.

Meaning me.

"Bella?" Alice calls from the kitchen and I stop writing what is an epically disastrous essay about the Progressivism of President Roosevelt. I listen as she walks towards my room; she's wearing this annoyingly loud bracelet that jingles every time she moves.

"Alice, if you ask me to check the chicken one more time, I will throw my computer at you," I say, because it's actually sounding pretty beneficial right now. I know she hears me because the jingling has stopped and because we have thin fucking walls.

The jingling picks up again and soon she is pushing my door open with wide eyes that are rimmed in black eye-liner, "I just want to make sure dinner will be ready on time," she says quietly.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes and instead set my laptop on my mattress and cross my legs pretzel style, the bed creaks.

"I prepared dinner so everything would be done exactly a half an hour after Jasper and his friend arrive, just like you asked. Well, ordered. That way we have time to "get to know each other," but not an excess of time in case things get awkward," I explain, _again_.

God, I should have made dinner so it will be ready the second they walk in the door, thus minimizing our "getting to know each other" time.

"It's just that Jasper always comes early…" she says and then starts wringing her hands. I start to wonder who's meeting Jasper, me or her. Although I've already met him at a party, a fact that Alice refuses to accept.

"Always?" I say in deep and hopefully sexy sounding voice, because I'm apparently a fifteen year old boy and need to make everything sexual.

"Geeze Bella!" Alice admonishes and then puts her hands to her cheeks, which are going slightly red.

"You haven't had sex with him yet," I state.

Her mouth pops open a little and then she crosses her arms over her chest, "Maybe I have."

Did I mention we have really _thin_ walls? Either Jasper likes to get off in a no noise environment or Alice is lying like a rug.

"Here or at his apartment?" I ask innocently, but Alice can spot a challenge from a mile off.

Her eyebrows life and she thinks for a moment, "His."

Her eyes are talking to my carpet.

I raise my hands in defeat, "Fine, I believe you," I say.

You little liar.

There are three quick knocks on our front door and Alice looks pointy at the clock on my nightstand, I turn around.

They're fifteen minutes early.

"Told you so," she says and then goes to answer the door.

I listen as Alice greets them, but stay on my bed. I decide to count to sixty before I go out, because the less time you spend with someone, the less amount of awkward silences need to be filled.

_One-Mississippi, two- Mississippi, three- Mississippi, four-Mississippi…_

I recognize Jasper's voice as soon as he starts talking because sometimes Alice puts their conversations on speaker phone so I can listen. Which now that I think about it is kind of creepy and weird.

Another person starts talking and I lean forward on my bed to listen, not that it actually helps me hear any better. His voice is very soft, but masculine – he speaks briefly and then Alice starts chattering again.

For some reason his voice has a sad quality about it that takes up residence in the pit of my stomach. It's just like when I see the old man that eats by himself at Sally's Diner every Sunday morning, and it physically hurts me to know that he is completely alone. I don't know why I've never talked to the old man before, I should.

"Bella's around here somewhere," I hear Alice say loudly.

_Fifty-seven Mississippi, fifty-eight Mississippi, fifty-nine Mississippi, sixty Mississippi…_

I get off my bed, which squeaks at me, "Oh, quiet you," I whisper and then make my way into what Alice and I call our 'foyer'.

I raise my hand in a wave, "Hey Jasper," I say and nod in his direction.

He is a fucking giant, well over six feet tall. How did I miss that the first time we met?

Jasper walks over and hugs the shit out of me; he's rocking us back and forth like we're on a boat in the Atlantic or something. I contemplate on a scale of one to clown-in-a-rickety-van, just how much he's creeping me out right now. His arms seem to be getting tighter and I decide to open my eyes, which I didn't realize I'd shut.

A man who I'm assuming to be Edward is looking at me with an amused expression; I return his look with wide eyes. "Is he always like this?" I mouth.

The sides of Edwards mouth go down and he shrugs, all of the sudden he seems very un-amused at how Jasper is hugging me. Well, same here buddy.

Jasper finally releases me and I fight the urge to shutter, which would probably be pretty rude. Jasper walks over to Alice and they immerse themselves in a conversation about pigs, of all things.

I walk over to Edward.

He's quite tall and if he wasn't so sullen I'd think that he'd just gotten laid by the state of his hair. His hands are in his pockets and his whole body is stiff, it's quite obvious he doesn't want to be here. I'm not sure if I should be offended at his obvious displeasure or make conversation.

I stand in front of him.

"So, is that your natural hair color?" I ask because it's the first thing that comes to my mind and because I can't stand awkward silences and because I'm an idiot of the highest caliber. Why on Earth did I decide a conversation about hair color would be better than no conversation at all?

This is why I hate talking to strangers, especially very hot strangers who happen to be doctors.

"Yes," He answers and I know that I've managed to confuse the doctor right out of him.

"Awesome," I say quietly and bob my head up and down.

Awesome.

"So, um, I'm Bella," I say and stick my hand out.

"What, no hug?" He asks, but takes my hand, "I'm Edward."

"I'm assuming you're trying to be funny, but I feel violated right now," I deadpan and then want to take back what I've said as soon as it leaves my mouth. "Kidding," I say quickly and he smiles, but then frowns again.

Geeze, don't let yourself be happy or anything.

"So, Edward, how long have you been here?" Alice asks, trying to make conversation.

"A couple of weeks," He answers in a slow, controlled voice. Alice smiles, looks at me, and then continues to talk to Jasper; they've moved into the living room.

Edward and I are still standing near the apartment door. He's looking over my shoulder at something, there are worry lines on his forehead and I want to run my fingers through his hair and make them go away.

He'd be so much more handsome if he wasn't so haunted looking. Perhaps I should introduce him to the old man at Sally's Diner. I feel like they might get along.

"You've very sad aren't you?" I say quietly looking at his sad eyes, not meaning for him to hear.

His head snaps to mine.

"What?" He asks and his eyes are wide and his bronze colored hair is falling into his eyes and my God this man is gorgeously miserable.

I take a deep breath, cruse Alice for subjecting me to this torture, and then shake my head.

"Nothing, just - nothing," I tell him and then shake my head again.

He scrutinizes me for a minute and I think for a second that he's going to argue with me, but instead he walks over to where Jasper and Alice are.

For some irrational reason I feel hurt, but perk right back up when I hear the timer for the chicken go off.

"Ready for dinner?" I ask, to which Jasper and Alice nod vigorously. Edward continues to look down at his shoes like I've said nothing.

Like I'm not even there.

**AN: Next chapter will be in Edward's POV and shit is about to hit the metaphorical fan. REVIEWWWWW my friends, it makes me feel better about all the time I dedicate to this stupid story. **


	5. The Bird and Running Away

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just rent. **

**Screaming Infidelities:** chapter five

"_Darling let me be.  
Affectionately call me,  
and then let me be."_

**Edward:**

_You're very sad aren't you?_

Am I sad? I don't think I'm sad. I may be a brooding son of a bitch, but I'm not a sad _and_ brooding son of a bitch. Alice and Bella both seem a little off to me. Nice, but off. I guess if Jasper likes them then they're probably good people. Bella seemed a little concerned by Jasper's overly friendly nature. That was sort of funny.

God, I am such a loser. What am I doing, sitting and eating dinner at some god dammed kitchen table on a Saturday night with people I don't know? Pathetic.

I ruin everything and I'm probably going to ruin Jasper's dinner with the slightly off Alice and Bella.

_You're very sad aren't you?_

I. Am. Not. Sad.

Bella brings over something resembling a chicken, a black and completely burnt chicken. Her cheeks warm and I think that she might be embarrassed about the black chicken. I start laughing because although I'm not sad, I am a son of a bitch and the black chicken this slip of a girl is holding is the worst of her problems. I'm laughing because I wish all I had to deal with was a singed bird.

She notices that I'm laughing and her eyes go big and she looks like she's going to cry and Alice is glaring at me and I feel like an ass. I grip the back of my neck and clear my throat. Shit.

She's totally going to cry over the bird. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Jasper is looking at me like I should do something.

Shit.

Sometimes I believe that after I've done something, if I say "shit" enough times I will be able to travel back in time and fix all my mistakes. If only that were true. Why did I have to laugh? All the girl was trying to do was cook a nice dinner and I had to laugh in her face.

"I can order some pizza?" I offer quietly and then fish my cell out of my pocket and hold it up. Jasper looks at me like that was not the thing I was supposed to say.

Bella closes her eyes and then nods once and says, "Fuck the bird, I'd rather eat pizza."

"Let me get their number," Alice offers, but I tell her that I've already got it programmed in my phone.

"But you've only lived here for a couple of weeks," Bella states after throwing the chicken into the trash.

I shrug, "I like pizza." She smiles a little and I feel like less of an ass.

Just as I'm about to start dialing, my phone starts buzzing at me. The number is glaring at me, wrapped in a digital blanket of black. Shit.

This should not be happening. This should not be happening, not while Jasper has invited me to spend time with his not-so-much girlfriend. This should not be happening ever, because I've changed my number.

How did she get my number?

The phone continues buzzing and Bella asks if I'm alright, I tell her yes and then excuse myself. I stride across their living room and then go out into the hallway. I pick up the phone.

"Tanya?" I ask quietly and my throat hurts and swallowing hurts and there is only heavy breathing from the other line.

"Tanya?"

"You mother fucker," His voice is hard and biting. I feel like I've been slapped across the face.

"I- I'm… I'm so sorry," I say quietly and then lean my head on the wall in front of me. My legs are shaking.

"You were my friend Edward!" He shouts and I nod even though he can't see me. "You were my friend," and he sounds disgusted and I'm disgusted at myself because how could I let it come to this?

"James, please…" I whisper.

"Please what? You didn't even tell me, you just ran! Where are you anyways? Fucking someone else's wife? Ruining someone else's marriage? Because you sure are fucking good at it," He states and my head hurts from leaning against the wall and my chest aches from being such a fuck-up.

"We're getting a divorce," he tells me and I take in a sharp breath.

"I am so sorry James; I was in such a low place after my sister…" And I can't even say it.

He laughs and it's vicious and it's so unlike James that I want to flinch. James doesn't curse, James doesn't get mad. What have I done? Why do I have to ruin everything?

"I will find you Edward, and I will ruin you," He tells me and there is finality in his voice.

My hand is shaking and I can't breathe; James stays silent, waiting. "I am so sorry," I say again and he hangs up. I hold the phone to my ear until it starts beeping.

"I'm so sorry," I say to the wall.

"Edward?" I hear Alice call. Shit. Shit. _Shit._

I can't go back in there. I can't go back with those nice people who probably hate people like me. People who cheat. People who ruin. I had sex with my best friend's wife.

I had sex with my best friend's wife and now I am eating dinner in this small apartment where there is a napkin tapped to the wall that says, "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL." I cannot ruin these people with my shit.

I have to get out of here. These people are too good for me.

So I run, again. I am such a fucking coward I can't stand it. I run down the hallway and take the steps two at a time, almost falling on my ass. I push open the front door like I'm escaping a prison and just stand for a minute. No one looks at me because I am not the strangest person in New York City on a Saturday night.

I walk down the street and decide that I need a drink.

I need a drink.

Right.

Now.

I only have to walk two blocks before I see what I was looking for. The bar has a sign that boasts, "Purely Irish, since 1916."

I walk towards the bar and an older man holds the door open for me and then laughs at the state I'm in. He walks up to the bar with me and then tells the bartender that he's paying for my first drink. He then proceeds to order me a Magic Hat, which is apparently some type of beer.

"How are ya kid?" He asks with a heavy Irish accent. I shrug and fight the urge to slam my head into the bar. He's got a dark gray beard, pale blue eyes and is wearing a red and black plaid shirt. I can't help but wonder why he's being nice to me.

"Let me guess," he says gruffly and then takes a swig of his beer, "women troubles?" He asks.

I tell him yes and then follow his lead and down the entire beer in less than two minutes. The bartender comes over and I tell him to keep the drinks coming. He doesn't ask questions, just nods. The bar isn't all that crowded for a Saturday night and I'm thankful. I hate drinking in overcrowded bars, even though that's where I first started playing music. That was all a lifetime ago, way before I got my doctorate. Way before Tanya and James.

"Let me tell you something son, women are like apples. All the best one's are at the top of the tree and even though they may take some effort to get to, they're almost always worth it," he tells me with a kind smile and I order a round of shots.

"Yeah, well, my friend took all the trouble of getting to the top of the tree to get a good apple and then I stole it from him," I say and he cocks his head to the left and laughs. I offer him a shot, but he declines, still nursing his second beer.

"You might want to slow down," I hear him say, but his voice is coming through a tunnel.

The fog has just started to roll over my eyes and there's no way I'm stopping now. Not when I'm about to feel good again.

"I haven't had a drink in almost two years," I tell the man and I hear the bartender chuckle, "What?" I ask him, but he just shakes his head and then walks away.

"Well, I hope she's worth it," He grounds out and I think that he might be mad, but he's still smiling.

_You're very sad aren't you?_

"I don't even want her anymore. I'm not sure I ever did," I mumble, take a shot, and then cover my face with my hand.

The man next to me sighs and then pats me on the back, "You know what you need, you need to find yourself a nice little angel. You need to find yourself a sweet little colleen. Someone who'll look after ya."

"That sounds nice," I tell the man even though I don't know what a colleen is or how to find one.

We sit and talk for another hour and he tells me more useless information about women, but it's nice. I ask him if he has a wife and he asks me why he would be out drinking if he had a woman at home. I tell him that plenty of men with women at home go out to bars. He tells me that we're at a pub, not a bar. I tell him that he's probably right.

Someone walks in and the man whose name I've learned is Seth whistles. I turn around and see Bella standing next to the door. Her hair is a mess and her eyes look worried. I didn't notice how tiny she was back at her apartment, but she would probably only come up to my chin. I'm surprised to find this that this tiny girl is attractive, not because she's not my type, but because of what I've done to James. I should never be allowed around women ever again.

"I'm a menace," I whisper.

Seth turns towards me and smiles, "You may have just found your angel."

Bella catches sight of me and smiles this huge smile as if she's been searching for me her entire life. I smile back. Seth tells me that he'll be leaving now and I tell him goodbye. Bella stands in front of me and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Geeze Edward, we've been looking everywhere for you! Jasper is hitting up all the music places he can think of and Alice is staying at the apparent in case you came back. What happened? We were so worried. I mean, was dinner really that awful?" She asks quickly and I run my hand through her hair.

"Oh angel, I mess everything up," I tell her and then lean my head on her shoulder and wrap my hands around her waist.

"Oh, um. Okay." She runs a hand though my hair and I grasp her tighter.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" She asks quietly and I shake my head and mumble no. We stay like that for a minute and she is so nice and warm. After a while she moves us so we're standing in the little alcove by the back entrance and the bathrooms. I pick my head up from her shoulder and she takes in a deep breath.

"You're right," I tell her morosely and she looks at me blankly.

"I am sad."

She looks at me for a moment with a heartbreaking expression and then smiles softly, "You're going to be just fine Edward. I know we don't really know each other, but you're going to be just fine."

I swallow and close my eyes.

"You don't know what I've done," I tell her and she sighs.

"For every mistake there's a solution," she tells me sounding uncertain and I laugh at her shameful attempt at trying to save me from myself. I don't say anything for a minute; just watch Bella's face swirl before my eyes like magic.

"You have very long eyelashes," she whispers.

I shake my head, "They make me look girly," I say and for some reason I find this hilarious.

"I think they make you look beautiful." She is so serious and genuine and Seth is right, she is an angel. Her hair is crazy from the wind blowing outside and her lips are red from her teeth constantly biting at them and she's so short and her converse are wrecked and she is beautiful.

"Make me feel good Bella, make me feel happy." And I'm begging her and I'm pathetic and then I'm kissing her.

I'm kissing her and I'm backing her up against the wall and her tongue is hot and on my lips and her hands are in my hair. I grip her waist hard and she moans and then pulls back.

"Take me to your apartment Edward, get me out of here," She whispers and I nod my head because she is my angel and my apple and my colleen, whatever that means.

**AN: Next chapter will be in Bella's POV. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW my lovelies! Until next time, best wishes! I hate that saying.**


	6. Okay

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just rent. Also there is a reason this story is rated M.**

**Screaming Infidelities:** chapter six

_"There is a house built out of stone,  
Wooden floors, walls and window sills.  
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust.  
This is a place where I don't feel alone,  
This is a place where I feel at home." _

–_The Cinematic Orchestra  
_

**Bella:**

It's a good feeling. Wanted to be wanted - knowing that there's another person in the world who enjoys the warmth that resonates from your body, and the way that your eyelashes cast shadows across your cheekbones. It feels warm and it feels unsettling and it feels good.

Edward is like no one I've ever met before.

He's unstable.

He's miserable.

And I want him so fucking badly. And I want him to want me so fucking badly. I want him to push me up against a wall and devour me. I want to resist him and I want to watch him go crazy with the need and passion he has for me. I just want him. And for God's sakes, he's a musician _and _a doctor.

I've just met him tonight, and already he's got me. He's got me following him up the steps and into the apparent that Jasper rents. And I know that I should call Alice and Jasper, to let them know that I've found Edward. I know that that would be the right thing to do, but I want this moment to belong to me, just as badly as I want Edward.

I know in some strange way that I've found Edward. I've found Edward in a way that goes beyond physically finding someone in a bar. I feel like I've captured him at his most vulnerable and I want this moment to be mine.

I want this night to belong to me.

I don't want to call Alice and Jasper because they will ruin this moment. This moment that I want so badly.

I know I won't get this moment back if I let it slip though my fingers.

And I understand deep down that I don't know Edward very well, but I feel like he's not a guy who lets himself be vulnerable very often. But right now he is vulnerable. And I want to bathe in the fucked-up world of Edward Mason.

Edward produces a key from his pocket that's attached to a black lanyard with white music notes on it. He pushes the door to Jasper's apartment open. I follow him inside and Edward flicks the light switch on.

The light is bright and bounces off the white kitchen tile harshly. I turn the light off because I don't want to be illuminated.

I want to be dark.

I turn towards Edward and he's just starting at me with eyes that are wide from alcohol. I stare back and take a deep breath. My heart is beating fast and my lips are slightly parted and there is an irresistibly warm feeling of butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I want him to want me so badly.

We stay motionless for a minute. I watch as Edward takes a deep breath and I know that this is the moment I've been waiting for since we left the bar. This is what I want. This warm feeling in my stomach and the way that his eyes look over body like he wants me - is what I've been waiting for.

Jasper lives in a loft apartment and I can see his bed even though I'm standing in his kitchen. I've always loathed loft apartments, but at the moment I love them.

I walk past Edward, brushing against his side as I move slowing towards the bed that's covered with a thick black comforter. I hear Edward turn around and I feel his eyes on my back.

I stand in front of the foot of the bed and lift my shirt up and over my head. I unbutton my jeans and slide them down my legs, bending over. I step out of them and slide them to the left with my foot. I hear Edward move towards me and I close my eyes. He puts his hands on my waste and leans closer to whisper in my ear, "You. Are. So," he says, and then turns me around, "Beautiful."

And he's staring at me so intently, I feel like I should look away. Suddenly he pushes me back onto the bed and I move backwards to give him more room. I place my head on a pillow and he hovers over me. His eyes look into mine and then move downwards slowly.

Like he owns me.

Like he's taking in everything I have to offer.

Like he loves me.

He leans down and puts his forehead against mind and then softly kisses my lips. I lean up and drag his bottom lip into my mouth, and bite down lightly. He moans. He pushes his tongue into my mouth with force and I feel his hand at my waste move upwards until he's cupping my breast. I moan and lift my chest up so he can take my bra off, which he does quickly and with obvious skill. I smile and he throws it across the room.

He leans down and takes one of my nipples into his mouth, first wetting it with his tongue and then biting softly. I squeeze my legs together and tug on the bottom of his shirt, silently asking him to take it off. He removes it quickly and then undoes his belt. I help him slide his jeans and boxers down and off with my feet.

I reach down and grab his penis at the base, pulling up slowly and more firm as I reach the head. He lets out a quick breath and leans down to kiss my collarbone. I let go of his cock. He kisses my chest. My stomach. He kisses right above my panties and then bites the top of them and drags them down with his teeth, while I push my hips up so they slide down easily.

He moves back up my body leisurely while his fingers trail a path from my ankle to the top of my thigh. His fingers stop moving and rest when they're next to my pussy, he looks up at me and I nod minutely. He slowly pushes two fingers into me and then leans forward so he can lick my clit. I throw my head back and moan loudly, causing him to moan in response, which sends delicious vibrations throughout my body.

After a minute I slide my hand into his hair and tug gently. He lifts his head up and looks at me. I pull him towards me and kiss him roughly.

"I want you. Now." I say and he nods.

He rolls over and opens up the drawer attached to the wooden nightstand that sits next to the bed. He produces a foil covered condom and tears it open before quickly rolling it on.

I grab Edward and turn him onto his back and then straddle him before grabbing his cock at the base and then slowly sliding down onto him. I rest my hands on his chest and rock myself up and down using my hands to push off his chest. He rests one hand on my hip to help guide me and strokes my clit with his other hand.

I throw my head back, "Edward, fuck – you feel so good," I moan-whisper. His breathing gets heavier and he moves his hand from my hip to my breast and goes back and forth between rolling and pinching my nipples.

After a few minutes I start to move faster, bouncing up and down on Edward's hard cock until he grabs me by the waste and flips me over onto my back.

He slams his cock into me hard and fast. I lift my legs and hitch them around his waist and he moves faster, moaning, "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Jesus Bella."

I grip his shoulders and rake my nails down his back while lifting my chest forward, "Faster," I moan and he complies.

He feels so good, his thick cock pushing into me over and over again and I feel myself building. It's like someone's pulling all the stings that keep me together until they're taught. They're being pulled tighter and tighter and at some point they're going to break.

"Oh, oh – Edward!" I shout and throw my head back onto the pillow as waves of pleasure course through my body.

"Fuck," Edward says and moves faster before thrusting into me one last time with a moan.

He rests himself on top of me for a moment before pulling out of me and then rolling over to lie next to me.

He removes the condom quickly and places it onto the foil packet from which it came, which rests on the top of the nightstand. He lies back down and I scoot over to put my head on his chest, he moves his arm so it's wrapped around me.

"Bella," he whispers softly and I look up at him.

"Yes?" I ask.

"You really are beautiful. I mean that," he says looking at me intently, like he wants me to understand. I realize that perhaps Edward is more vulnerable than I first imagined.

"So are you Edward. So are you," I tell him sincerely and stroke his cheek with my hand.

He laughs like he doesn't believe me.

"I'm going to text Alice and Japer to let them know that you're okay. We were all pretty worried after you fled dinner. So we should probably put some clothes on, because they're probably going to want to come over." I tell him and remind myself to ask him why he left dinner when he sobers up.

Sobers up. Did I just take advantage of somebody?

He nods his head and says, "Okay."

As I crawl to the foot of the bed so I can grab my cell phone from my jean's pocket, Edward's phone starts to ring. I laugh and grab his cell from his pocket, "That's probably one of them now," I tell him and he chuckles and holds out his hand for the phone.

"Probably." He says.

I glance at the number quickly before handing it to him, but don't recognize it. He looks at the number and his face goes blank.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's just an old friend." He tells me and then smiles, but it's obviously a forced smile. He opens the phone, but presses the end button right away. I nod and let it go.

_**Found Edward, we're at Jasper's apartment. He's fine_!_**_ I text Alice, who I'm sure will send a text to Jasper.

I look over at Edward and he's watching his hands as they twist together. He looks up and his eyes meet mine. I smile. He looks back down.

"This can't happen again," he says suddenly and without looking at me. He sounds sad and miserable and desperate.

I honestly didn't think that Edward and I would be more than a one-time thing. Which is why I wanted to have my moment with him so badly, because I knew I would probably only ever get the one.

"Okay," I say easily and shrug.

"Okay?" He asks looking up at me and he sounds confused.

"Yeah, okay." I say again and he nods and then smiles.

"Okay." He says sounding much better than he did a minute ago. Relieved.

His phone rings again and he tells me that it's Jasper. I say, "Okay." He picks up the phone.

"Okay." I whisper to myself and lean down to grab my clothes.

Okay.

**AN: Rated "R" for Review. Don't worry…it's not the end yet. **


	7. Friendship

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just rent. **

_You overcompensate for your own inexperience  
Don't underestimate, oh, my fear of getting caught  
So many words, so many words  
So many you can't believe  
So many words, so many words  
So many stuck at sea_

_-The Honorary Title_

**Screaming Infidelities:** chapter six

**Edward:**

"I'm just so lost right now." I say as Bella takes a long sip of coffee.

Every Wednesday Bella and I meet up at the Starbucks across from the University. The place is always filled to the brim with bodies; the people waiting in line are basically on top of one another. Yet, for some reason I really like it in here.

It's loud.

It's condensed.

It feels like there's this constant pressure on you when you're in here. I bathe in the feeling of it. Bella says that every time she comes in here she feels like she's suffocating. I kind of like that idea. That for once I'm not the only person in the world that can get pulled under by the tide.

So when Bella suggested we make a routine of getting together every Wednesday for coffee because apparently, 'that's what friends do,' I suggested Starbucks. She, of course, did not want our weekly meet-ups to be held at what she refers to as, 'the most mainstream place on Earth.'

Somehow over the past couple of weeks I've managed to convince her that Starbucks is not the place that all evil originates from.

And here we sit.

It's been two months since we had sex, which we still haven't talked about.

Three months since I've moved to New York.

And a lifetime since I've had a friend I could actually rely on.

"What do you mean?" Bella asks with her eyebrows knit together. She puts her cup on the table in front of us and tilts her head slightly to the left.

"I don't even know," I tell her, "I don't have a job I like. I don't have a relationship, not that I really want one, but still. I don't have my own place to live. The only people I ever talk to are you, Alice and Jasper. Not to mention the fact that my former best friend hates me and I don't know how to fix that mess." I sigh and press the palm of my hand to my forehead.

Bella make a noncommittal noise at the back of her throat and then looks down. After a minute she looks up at me and sighs.

"You know," she says, "Sometimes…" She shakes her head and stops talking.

"What?" I ask feeling slightly confused. I can't tell if she's about to go on another rant about how I won't tell her anything about my past or the reason why James hates all the cells that compose my being.

"Sometimes I can't tell if you're a good person or if you're just faking really well." She says after a long silence.

I don't really know how to respond to that comment, so I answer by looking down and putting my hand around the base of my coffee cup. I feel like I should make a joke to lightening the air, but nothing comes to mind.

Am I a bad person?

Everything in me screams the answer. The look on Bella's face tells me that she already knows the answer too.

Yes.

"I'm a shit person." I tell her and shrug as if there's nothing I can do about it.

There was a part of me that thought Bella could see though what I sell to the world. I know how people perceive me.

I'm arrogant.

I'm condescending.

I'm selfish.

Over the past two months I've convinced myself that Bella thinks differently about me than the rest of the world's population. Maybe I'm wrong.

"You're not a shit person." She says and lays her left hand on top of mine.

She takes a deep breath and then squeezes my hand before letting go.

"You know Edward. You talk and talk and talk and talk, but I have no idea what you're actually saying. You run around in circles trying to explain to me how bad of a person you are. You talk to me about how you can never fix the mistakes that line the road of your fucked up life. But you won't tell me what those mistakes are. You won't let anyone into your life. And let me tell you something, I've been trying really fucking hard to understand you." She says and I can tell that she's getting really worked up.

She's using a lot of hand motions and I keep looking down, because her constant eye contact is slightly unnerving.

"I've been trying to be a good friend, because honestly I think you really need one. But I'm sick and tired of sitting here every week while you throw yourself a pity party. You made mistakes, we all do. Either take the time to fix them or move the fuck on. Its okay to walk down memory lane, but you can't live there forever. And New York City is a really hard place to live when you don't have any friends Edward, trust me. So please for the love of all that is holy, for whatever deity you believe in, please just tell me what happened!"

She slams one hand down onto the table, but no one even notices.

And then there's silence between us. And suddenly all the noise and pressure that I had liked moments ago seems overwhelming.

She looks at me with wide eyes that are lined in black. She wears a lot of mascara; I've never really noticed that before.

"Well?" She says sounding exasperated.

I finally decide to tell her the truth.

"I don't know what to say." I tell her.

She shakes her head and blinks. I'm expecting her to say something snarky like, 'how about the truth?'

But she doesn't.

And again there is the overwhelming silence between us and the overwhelming noise that surrounds us.

"You know, you tell me you're a bad person, but I honestly don't know anything about you. Tell me something that you believe in." She sounds slightly calmer, but still pretty annoyed.

"Something I believe in?" I question.

"Yeah," she says. "In high school all the seniors had to write this essay before we could graduate. We were given a blank sheet of paper and at the top it said "This I believe…" and we were told to write. So, what do you believe in? Tell me something that you stand for. What's something that you would die for?" She asks seriously.

"My sister." I tell her without hesitation.

Bella smiles "See, now we're getting somewhere! I didn't even know you had a sister. I always just see you as this single entity floating along by yourself, but you're not. You have a sister." She says nodding at me to continue.

A single entity floating along by myself? Maybe she does see me better than I thought.

Alone forever. Fuck.

"I don't know Bella." I tell her.

"Edward!" She whisper-shouts. "For fuck's sake! Don't you give a shit about anything or anybody but yourself?"

"I just told you that I would die for my sister!" I say getting angry.

What the fuck does she want from me? Doesn't she realize I'm trying?

"I know," She says, "I know."

"I'm sorry." I tell her.

"I know that you don't mean to be this extremely self-deprecating, cynical bastard, but you kind of are." She says seriously.

I have to laugh at that.

She smiles.

"I know that I must seem like this fucked up guy to you, but I just don't know how else to act. My life has just been such shit for so long. I feel like I've lost the ability to understand happiness." I say.

"Well Alice and I are throwing a game night this Friday, you should come." She tells me.

"A game night?" I ask skeptically.

"It will be fun!" She insists. "And plus, you can finally meet Jacob!" She says excitedly.

Who the fuck is Jacob?

"Who's Jacob?" I ask trying not to sound too interested.

"Seriously?" She asks.

I shrug.

"He's my fucking boyfriend, you dick. The one I've been talking about for the past month?" She asks.

Oh right, Jacob.

Can't say I'm overly excited to see him.

"Right, yeah I remember. Sorry." I tell her.

She shakes her head and looks angry again.

"I'll text you on Friday so you don't forget. Bring some type of desert, okay? And please leave the depressed douche bag who has taken over your life at home." She mentions as she stands up, getting ready to leave.

I nod my head.

She grabs her purse, "And I'm not taking about Jasper." She says pointedly.

"Yeah, I get it. I've been a dick lately, sorry." I tell her.

I don't think I've ever said sorry this much in one day.

I don't know what that says about the type of person I am.

Bella waves at me before walking away.

She maneuvers around the constant crowd of people.

I watch as she opens the door.

Going.

Going.

She takes three more steps and then she's out of eyeshot.

Gone.

**REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OR JUST SAY HELLO! PERHAPS YOU WANT TO ASK ME A QUESTION? GO FOR IT! ALL FORMS OF COMMUNICATION VIA THE REVIEW BUTTON ARE WELCOME. **


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